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隔代教育的42条对策之1-10条(12)

发布日期：2014-01-04 10:57:33编辑：Chen

面对老人的批评，做妈妈的一时不知道说什么好。爸爸看见了，便在一旁说：“孩子是她身上掉下来的肉，咱们谁疼孩子都比不上她。虽然我们年轻人在带孩子上没有你们那么多经验，但是我们科学育儿的新观念不少。你们看，你们来之前，我们不是也把孩子带得好好的吗？我看啊，孩子他妈也是十分心疼孩子，所以才没跟你们商量就把孩子的衣服脱下来的。

你们看，衣服少了之后，孩子多高兴啊！到处跑来跑去的，这对孩子是很好的身体锻炼啊！”爷爷听了，点点头，看着活蹦乱跳的孩子，他想：自己认为孩子需要穿很多衣服，可是现在证明孩子不需要穿那么多衣服啊！他转身回到房间，就跟孩子奶奶说起了这事。奶奶听了也没有责怪儿子和儿媳，当然也不好意思认错，但是以后再也没有给孩子穿过多的衣服了。

从这件小事可以看出，爸爸站在妈妈的立场上想问题、爷爷站在儿媳和孩子的立场想问题是解决这次矛盾的关键。其实，当矛盾发生的时候，换位思考并不难，因为大家都是为了孩子，只要看到孩子健康成长，再固执的老人也会放弃固执，转而用有利于孩子成长的方法养育孩子。

除了换位思考，年轻父母还可以引用权威专家的话来引导老人。有些老人认为自己很有经验，因而不认同年轻父母的方法，但是，他们对权威人士和专家的话还是深信不疑的。因此，年轻父母不妨多留意营养专家和育儿专家的讲座、书籍，从中找出一些科学的依据，说服老人放弃过时的老经验。

有一位妈妈生下孩子之后，把婆婆接过来帮忙带孙子。这位婆婆是语文教师，知识丰富，加上带大了三个孩子，因此让妈妈十分放心。可是，问题正是出在婆婆的知识和经验上。孩子非常喜欢吃菠菜，婆婆就经常做菠菜面条。婆婆泡菠菜的时间特别长，如果下午3点开始做面，婆婆恨不得早上8点就开始泡。

泡菜可以有效去除残留农药，妈妈和婆婆都认可，但是妈妈认为泡的时间太长也不好，于是跟婆婆说了好多次。婆婆据理力争，说这是电视专家说的，没错。为了解决这个问题，妈妈向朋友求助。朋友说：“你婆婆不是很相信专家的话吗？那你就找一些专家的话说服她，记得要找一些比电视专家更权威的人。”妈妈恍然大悟，想起家旁边就有图书馆，于是趁着休息日整天泡在图书馆里寻找依据。

工夫不负有心人，妈妈终于找到了蔬菜泡的时间过长反而会把农药泡进菜里的科学依据。回到家后她迫不及待地跟婆婆详细地说了说，并且把借出来的书递给婆婆。婆婆一看，果然推翻了自己以前的做法，以后泡蔬菜都把时间控制在5分钟左右。这样一来，不仅孩子吃到了健康的蔬菜，婆媳关系也得到了改善。

从这个故事可以看出，老人坚信自己过时的老经验，父母不妨从报纸、杂志、书籍、电视等“外援”中找一些科学依据，以此来说服老人。不管老人如何相信自己，面对不得不令人信服的科学依据，一般都会听从父母的建议，共同养育好孩子。

有些老人特别固执，一旦儿女反对自己的做法，就会大发脾气。这时，父母该怎么办呢？倘若父母坚持科学的指导，和老人理论，最后的结局很可能是不仅不能解决孩子健康成长的问题，还会留下巨大的家庭关系的伤疤，更有可能对孩子的心灵造成不利的影响。处理这种问题的正确要领，是不能从正面强攻，而要避重就轻，先从侧面出击，缓和气氛。等到大家都心平气和的时候，再因势利导，慢慢引导老人接受新的育儿观念。

一位妈妈生孩子的时候正值酷暑，大人和孩子都很容易出汗。为了孩子的健康，妈妈天天给孩子换衣服，还严格地把大人的衣服和孩子的衣服分开洗，而且洗衣服的盆子和洗衣液都是分开的。婆婆对此不以为然，认为没必要天天换衣服，更没必要把孩子和大人的衣服分开洗。

于是，她洗衣服的时候把孩子和大人的衣服一起泡、一起洗。妈妈觉得婆婆不认同天天给孩子换衣服还是小事，但是不能接受婆婆把大人和孩子的衣服一起洗的做法。

有一天，婆婆把自己的袜子丢在妈妈专门用来洗孩子衣服的盆子里洗，洗完之后再洗孩子的衣服。妈妈实在看不下去了，等婆婆下楼买菜的时候，迅速对盆子进行消毒，接着把晾好的孩子的衣服取下来放到锅里用沸水消毒。谁知婆婆很快就买完菜回来了，看到妈妈的举动，脸顿时就拉下来了，当晚，她没有吃饭。从此，婆媳之间谁也没有提“洗”字，这已经变成一个雷区，一旦踏进去，婆媳之间就会爆发一场没有硝烟的战争。

后来，妈妈得知，婆婆多次向丈夫和公公哭诉，说妈妈嫌她脏。妈妈没有这个意思，只是觉得婆婆的一些卫生习惯很不好而已，但是，在婆媳关系闹僵了的情况下，妈妈也不知道该怎么向婆婆解释。

几天之后，孩子起疹了，医生说是过敏性皮炎。无意中，妈妈听见婆婆问公公：“宝宝得了皮炎会不会是我洗衣服的方法不对引起的？”这时，妈妈恍然大悟：婆婆是个很能干但是很爱面子的人，只是如果改变了自己的做法就等于向儿媳认错了。

妈妈知道婆婆太爱面子之后，开始改变以往和婆婆正面冲突的做法，避开该怎么给孩子洗衣服的话题，经常和婆婆拉家常式地闲聊，比如空气污染严重，空气中的各种有害物质很容易导致皮肤过敏；夸婆婆的毛衣织得很漂亮，问婆婆能否给孩子织上一两件等。

通过恢复婆婆信心的谈话之后，情况有了很大的改变。一天晚上，妈妈回来晚了，一开门就看见婆婆往孩子专用的盆里倒儿童洗衣液，准备泡孩子的衣服呢！

可见，正面交锋不适用于一些特别爱面子的老人，旁敲侧击才是改变这些老人做法的妙方。这些老人年纪大后，有时会比较固执，也会更加敏感、自尊。因此，父母要多体谅这些老人，顾及他们的面子和自尊，让老人在不伤及面子的情况下悄悄放弃过时的老经验。
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