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隔代教育的42条对策之1-10条(11)

发布日期：2014-01-04 10:57:33编辑：Chen

一旦孩子形成了父母只会应付了事或者流水线式沟通的印象，将对亲子关系造成难以磨灭的影响。因此，孩子不在身边也好，孩子在身边却很少有时间沟通也好，父母都要珍惜每一次机会，特别是孩子主动倾诉的机会，走进孩子的内心世界，拉近亲子关系。

良好的沟通是父母减少隔代教育弊端的基础。基础打不好，隔代教育的危害将长期甚至终生影响孩子。基础打好了，父母既尊重了老人和孩子的感情需求，又能增进因为隔代亲而变淡了的亲子关系，渐渐走向三代人同堂又同乐。最重要的是，它能一一化解隔代教育的种种危害，因而是所有父母的必修课。

6.“我吃的盐比你吃的饭还多！”——用新观念战胜过时的老经验

在孩子的衣食住行上，父母和老人经常会发生矛盾。比如，老人认为冲奶粉的水要热一些，否则化不开，所以孩子应该喝热奶；而父母认为水太热就会把奶粉的营养破坏掉，而且还很容易把孩子烫着。

又比如，老人认为大人、孩子的衣服可以一起洗，多过几遍水就能洗干净，非常经济；而父母认为孩子的抵抗力还不强，很容易感染大人身上的细菌和病毒，因此孩子的衣服要单独洗。再比如，老人认为没必要给孩子买那么好的洗发水、沐浴露等日常用品；

父母则认为，孩子的皮肤很容易过敏，必须买专为孩子设计的、刺激少的洗护用品。诸如此类的矛盾不胜枚举，对家庭关系和孩子的成长极为不利。为什么会出现这么多矛盾呢？父母又该如何面对这些矛盾呢？

矛盾产生的主要原因，是父母和老人带孩子的方法不一样。老人倾向于经验，而父母依靠的是科学知识。为什么会这样呢？大多数老人出生在新中国成立之前，生活贫苦，受的教育较少，处理事情靠的基本上是生活经验。有些经验很实用，有些经验则经不起科学知识的检验。

尤其是随着经济的发展，出现了许多解放前没有的新事物，比如新配方奶粉、婴儿护理用品等。面对这些从未接触过的新事物，思想较为保守的老人大多采取抵触的心态，认为它们不如经验来得真实可靠。

而年轻父母大多出生在新中国经济腾飞之时，所受的教育远非老人可比，加上年轻人易于接受新事物，懂得用科学知识指导生活，因而观念较新，并且不受一些不适用的传统经验的束缚。这种差别反映在家庭教育上，表现为老人和父母的教养方法产生了很大的分歧，老人认为经验总不会错，父母认为应该用新的观念指导孩子的成长。

于是，在隔代教育家庭中，两代人因为孩子产生的矛盾特别多。在较量中，拥有丰富人生经验的老人占据着优势，面对儿女的质疑，经常抛出“我吃的盐比你吃的饭还多”的话。而教养经验不足、缺乏有效沟通能力的年轻父母常常难以在尊重老人、说服老人甚至批评老人用错误的方法教养孩子的问题上取得平衡，因此苦恼不已。

与尊重老人、说服老人甚至批评老人相比，孩子的成长更加重要，因此，父母必须学会用新观念战胜老人过时的老经验。这里之所以说“过时”，是因为老人的部分经验是对的。那么，父母首先要面对一个问题，如何甄别老人的经验是否有用呢？

养育孩子是一件费时费力的大事，尤其对于没有养育经验的年轻父母而言，需要花费很多时间来了解孩子成长所需要的一切，比如哪种护理液对孩子的皮肤更好、哪种奶粉更适合孩子的体质等。要在孩子的需要上作出正确的选择，父母必须学习足够的科学知识。

当下，图书、音像制品、网络资料都有很多专门讲述养育孩子的知识，父母必须抱着做一个好学生的心态，认真学习。依靠丰富的科学知识，父母是可以对老人养育孩子的做法作出正确的判断的。对于那些经得起考验的老经验，父母要虚心学习。但是，对于那些过时的老经验，父母又该如何说服老人放弃，转而采取新观念来养育孩子呢？

成功的说服需要沟通技巧，而最好的技巧是理解。如何让老人理解养育孩子的新观念呢？换位思考是最容易让老人理解新观念的一种方法。

有一对夫妇比较粗心，有了孩子以后，为了让孩子得到细心的照顾，他们把孩子的爷爷奶奶接了过来，帮忙照顾孩子。两位老人都比较细心，为了让儿子和儿媳相信自己很有经验，能带好孩子，两位老人对孩子关怀备至。

比如，为了怕孩子着凉，他们给孩子穿了三四层衣服，结果孩子不一会儿就热得满脸通红，而且行动不便，原本活蹦乱跳的孩子现在却变得慢吞吞的。爸爸妈妈回来看见后，很是心疼，特别是做妈妈的，一看见就把孩子外面套的厚衣服脱掉了。爷爷在旁边看见了十分不高兴，埋怨儿媳不知好歹。妈妈听了很难过，她知道爷爷奶奶是心疼孩子才给孩子穿那么多的，但是穿得太多，孩子很容易得病，而且不利于四肢的发育。
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