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隔代教育的42条对策之1-10条(16)

发布日期：2014-01-04 10:57:33编辑：Chen

因此，应该以声音为主，大声说话，但是那位妈妈没有注意到老人听觉的衰退以及声音比表情更重要，造成了不良沟通。基本上，听觉和视觉是互为补充的，声音上难以表达的情感，可以用身体语言来表达，反之亦然。但是父母要注意，听觉和视觉之一缺失了，另外一种就会被放大。

像上面的第二种情况，婆婆听不清楚儿媳说什么，只看见儿媳满脸不高兴，就把身体语言放大了，导致婆媳之间的一次矛盾。因此，父母在声音和身体语言相结合来表达时，必须分清主次以及老人身体状况的变化。

老人身体变差还会带来另一种情况，就是变得不大耐烦。这要求父母说话时要充满耐心，尤其在接受新的教育观念时，更加需要父母详细解释。老人接受新事物的能力毕竟比年轻人差，一些新观念、新方法在年轻人看来也许很简单，但是老人要理解起来就可能要费一番工夫。因此，倘若年轻父母说两遍就不耐烦了，老人的自尊心就会受到伤害，会认为年轻父母瞧不起自己、自己耽误他们的时间，心理随之产生一些微妙的变化。

要知道，老人过来帮助带孩子，是儿女尽孝道的大好机会。虽然同为一家人，但毕竟是客，而且是异乡客。一旦老人误以为父母不尊重自己、看不起自己，就会认为自己对于儿女而言是一种累赘，接而产生强烈的不被认同感，这对老人而言是难以愈合的创伤。因此，年轻父母必须善于观察、充满耐心，而且不达目的不罢休，使任何一次沟通都完整而有效。

老人接人待物的方式和年轻人有差异，因此，老人偶尔会对年轻父母提一些古怪的要求，有时显得很保守，跟不上时代的步伐。这时，父母应该尽量满足老人的要求，以便给老人留下良好的感觉。对于老人保守的观念，年轻父母不必太激进，随着孩子的成长，老人会看到新观念、新方法的作用，在认同儿女养育方法的同时，也会认同父母作为养育孩子主体的地位。这对孩子的成长是十分关键的，养育孩子是父母最重要的责任，它的成败和父母的话语权是密切相关的。

这里说的“话语权”是指孩子的事情谁说了算。要改变老人的固执、保守，是需要父母较长时间努力的。一旦父母的主体地位确立，围绕孩子的家庭矛盾就会慢慢减少，从而为孩子的成长营造一个和谐的家庭环境。

和谐的家庭环境是孩子成长的最好环境，而这源于家庭矛盾的减少。尽管父母和老人的成长环境相差很大，难免会出现矛盾，但大家都是为了孩子。在这个共同目标的驱使下，绝大多数矛盾是可以轻松解决的。

而目前两代人之间之所以矛盾不断，基本上是因为父母没有掌握必要的沟通技巧。作为儿女，父母应该采取主动的态度，在尊重老人、认同老人、考虑老人身体变化的基础上，积极化解各种家庭矛盾，为孩子的成长提供和谐的家庭环境。

9.“连衣服都洗不好，怎么带孩子！”——分工合作，取长补短

在隔代教育家庭的矛盾中，有很大一部分是缺乏经验造成的。比如，年轻妈妈不会洗孩子的衣服，老人就会说：“连衣服都洗不好，怎么带孩子！”又比如，老人不会使用电磁炉，结果把孩子的营养餐煮过了，做出来的东西不仅口感差，还失去了营养，这时，年轻父母心里多多少少会有一些不满。

种种鸡毛蒜皮的小事堆砌起来，就会不定时地爆发家庭矛盾。由于父母和老人在知识水平、生活习惯、养育观念等多方面的差异，家庭矛盾难以避免，但却是可以大大减少的。除了通过上文所讲的沟通技巧，父母还可以通过分工的方法，让家庭氛围尽量和谐。

古人云：“尺有所短，寸有所长。”父母和老人各有各的长处，通过合理分工，能最大化地发挥个人能力，照顾好孩子，维护好家庭关系。那么，父母和老人该如何分工呢？

我们先来看看两代人的特点。时间上，父母一般工作繁忙，加班的事情常有，加上交通不够完善，回到家里一般都较晚了。而老人基本上不用上班，时间充裕，活动范围也不大，因而可以腾出大量时间。知识水平上，父母所接受的教育要比老人高得多，因此智力水平较高。

而老人幼时受的教育少得可怜，生活改善后又忙于东奔西跑，维持生计，因而智力水平较低。生活习惯上，父母比较跟得上潮流，崭新的生活体验十分迎合年轻父母的口味。而老人比较保守，生活很有规律，安排得有条不紊。养育观念上，父母懂得以科学知识和新兴教育理念养育孩子，而老人基本上还是老一套，有些经验已经过时，不利于孩子的成长。

基于以上差别，在父母肩负教育孩子主要责任的基础上，我们建议父母做养育孩子的主体，而老人做儿女的参谋。这种角色定位对孩子和家庭关系有什么好处呢？

第一，可以大大减少甚至杜绝老人溺爱孩子的情况。由老人直接教育孩子的后果，是很多老人太爱孩子，经不起孩子的软磨硬泡，一味姑息纵容孩子，导致孩子无法形成优秀的品格。把教育孩子的重任还给父母，老人在一旁出谋划策，等于缩小甚至消除了两代人在教育孩子上的分歧。孩子哭闹、任性的机会也会大大减少，在父母的严格要求下，孩子会逐渐形成优秀的品格。
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