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美国孩子从小就自信 只因……

发布日期：2025-01-16 12:06:41编辑：秩名


 
　　说到美国的孩子，你的脑海里会不会自动弹出这些形容词：自信、笑起来很灿烂、很快乐、很自由……
 
　　确实，这是很多美国孩子的共同点。著名画家、作家陈丹青曾经说过这样一句话：“走在美国街头，好像人人都长了一张没受过欺负的脸。”
 
　　其实，他们并非从来都没被人欺负过，而是不管遇到什么事情，他们的内心都会有足够的自信来支撑着自己。
 
　　为什么在美国长大的孩子会有与生俱来的自信?我们的孩子也能拥有一张“没被欺负过的脸”吗?
 
　　答案是，当然可以!（关注微信订阅号：朵妈亲子时光，聊聊亲子育儿那些事）
 
　　孩子内心最深处的自信，来自父母无条件的爱
 
　　心理学家认为，孩子的自信，从根本上讲是来自父母无条件的爱(unconditional love)。
 
　　而说到这，有的妈妈可能就忍不住要问了：哪有当爹妈的不爱自己的孩子啊?
 
　　问题恰恰就出现在这!我们总觉得自己是爱孩子的，但很多时候我们的爱是有条件的。
 
　　比如：
 
　　当孩子不听话的时候，我们会说：“再不听话我就不爱你了!”
 
　　当我们不开心的时候，我们会说：“被你烦死了!”
 
　　当我们很忙的时候，我们会说：“你没看见妈妈在忙吗?”(语气里让孩子觉得：你还没我手上的活重要呢!)
 
　　如此种种，让孩子在无形中获得这样一种认知：
 
　　只有我听话的时候，妈妈才是爱我的!
 
　　只有妈妈有空的时候，妈妈才会注意到我!
 
　　只有妈妈开心的时候，我在妈妈眼里才是可爱的!
 
　　……
 
　　这一系列的“只有……才……”，表明了我们的爱是有条件的，在孩子的心里：爸爸妈妈对自己的爱并不是100%的。
 
　　而“无条件的爱”，在生活中是怎样表现出来的呢?
 
　　当孩子做错事了，妈妈的态度应该是：“妈妈是爱你的，但是你这件事做得不对，会导致XXX的后果。”
 
　　当你没有时间陪伴孩子的时候，告诉ta：妈妈现在要做好这件事后才能来陪你，你先自己玩玩小球可以吗?(不带有任何抱怨的语气，并且让孩子知道你稍后会满足他的陪伴需求。)
 
　　妈妈们应该都了解这样一个概念：无条件的爱≠没有原则的爱，而是要求我们不管孩子表现得乖不乖，我们多忙、多累、心情多糟糕，都不能让孩子怀疑你对他的爱。
 
　　像尊重大人一样尊重孩子
 
　　在很多大人的眼里：
 
　　孩子是最好忽悠的人，你说什么ta就信什么;
 
　　答应过ta的事没做到也没关系，孩子不会拿你怎么样的;
 
　　逗孩子的时候最开心了，还没说几句就开始哭了，好有趣;
 
　　……
 
　　然而这样不拿孩子当回事，孩子怎么可能会有一张“没被欺负过的脸”?
 
　　不把孩子当大人一样来尊重，只会在ta的心里形成这样一种认知：爸爸妈妈都可以忽略我的感受，别人怎么可能会在乎?
 
　　这不正是自卑心理的表现吗?
 
　　我从来不认为，因为孩子年龄小，我们就可以不尊重ta。很多孩子的性格从小过于自卑、在陌生的人和事物面前容易感到不安焦虑，很多时候都是大人造成的。
 
　　所以大人们，如果不想孩子的性格过于自卑，希望他内心的安全感更足，那就请把孩子当大人一样来尊重：
 
　　对ta承诺过的事，不管多小，请放在心上，认真执行。
 
　　不管何时，都要重视孩子的感受，倾听孩子的需求。
 
　　越是受到家长尊重的孩子，在面对其他人和事时，自然就越有自信。
 
　　看到孩子的优点，经常肯定孩子
 
　　很多在中国长大的孩子，从小就有一个共同的敌人，叫做“别人家的孩子”。家长们总是习惯拿“别人家孩子”的长处跟自己孩子的短处相比，认为这样可以鞭策孩子更加努力。
 
　　而西方很多国家的家长，常常把把孩子的长处挂在嘴边——
 
　　“你做得真好!”
 
　　“不错，这种方法是正确的，我怎么没想到?”
 
　　两种不同的教育方式，哪种方式更容易教出一个自信的孩子呢?答案不言而喻。
 
　　幼龄阶段的孩子对自我的认识和父母的评价有很大的关系，如果你经常说自己的淘气、笨、慢、任性……孩子真的可能会破罐子破摔，变成你所形容的样子。
 
　　曾听一个海归朋友说过，美国很多孩子每次说到自己的梦想时，都会在前面加一个类似这样的前缀：我要做全美国最好的XXX，我要做全世界最棒的XXX，甚至我要成为宇宙第一的XXX……这跟父母对孩子的肯定、鼓励有很大的关系。
 
　　如果我们也能看到孩子的优点，从积极面来评价鼓励孩子，那么孩子也会从我们这里获得更多自信，事事力求表现到最好。（关注微信订阅号：朵妈亲子时光，聊聊亲子育儿那些事）
 
　　【朵妈的话】
 
　　孩子不够自信，很多家长总习惯在孩子身上找原因。实际上对孩子来说，家庭环境就是滋养ta成长的水土，自信与否，和父母的教育方式非常重要。如果你也有这方面的困惑，别纠着孩子不放了，很可能是我们自己出了问题。自信不可能凭空产生，只有孩子体会到父母无条件的爱、尊重和肯定了，ta才能在内心深处肯定自己，面对人和事的时候更有自信。
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