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解密男子汉的12个关键特质(2)

发布日期：2014-10-23 12:51:13编辑：Chen

4、正直与忠诚

正直与忠诚是两种不同的品质，他们的关系如手和手套一样亲密无间。正直和忠诚的人备受瞩目和钦佩，因为在我们的文化中缺少这样的人。而且正直的人生不会留下遗憾。

忠诚和正直的最好教育方式，仍然是通过模范作用。我们可以反思一下，我们在生活中向孩子们展示过这些特点了吗？比如当店员不小心多找了零钱，我们是不吱声，还是归还了呢？孩子对我们的私人生活了解比我们想象的还要多得多。这意味着，当我面所声称的人生观与自身行为不一致时，是很容易被他们发现的。

正直生活的一部分，就是要在生活中遵循某个准则。这意味着你在作艰难抉择的时候，要有一套价值体系来引导，而不是基于情绪。

对你的儿子要完全诚实。如果他问你一个禁忌问题，要告诉他为什么你不会回答，不要通过“善意的谎言”试图来保护他。事实上，这是与你的儿子分享自己的正直品格的问题。他需要知道，即使是你（和所有其他人一样）也会在这个问题上挣扎，但更重要的是，让他了解当这样的问题出现时，你是如何应对的。

5、自律

自律是掌控自己的行为，比如压制自己的情感与欲望。自律就是为了使自己不断进步而进行的矫正与规范，是越挫越勇的能力，与之相辅相成的品质有毅力、克制、勤奋、自控和持之以恒。

学会自律的关键要素之一，是要经历一些自己选择的结果（尤其是负面的），遇到困难时没人帮助。另一关键要素就是被约束，父亲对男孩的教育是至关重要的。在家庭中，似乎父亲有极高的威严。

孩子天生就害怕父亲而不怕母亲。没有父亲约束的孩子一般会很难自律，这就导致他们很难得到满足。正如本书中提到的其他品质，让孩子学会自律的关键，就是让他对自己的行为、选择以及决定负责。

教会男孩学会自律的方法：

l  让他学会感激，不觉得自己有特权。让他常说“请”或者“谢谢”等敬语，会利于培养他的感恩之心。

l  教他约束。这种活动可以被不同的人用于培养自律与意志力的任何事。

l  教他控制自己的情感。培养他诸如爱、希望、生活的信念等积极的情感，而不要被诸如嫉妒、厌恶、贪念等消极情感所束缚。

l  教他有效管理自己的间，这将使他受益终身。

6、毅力

生活处处有困难。生命中最重要的东西往往是最难得到的。事实上，任何值得一做的事都是困难的。失败不是最终结局——只要你不放弃。坚持不懈就是一场人与自身进行的思想斗争。在困境中，没有毅力的人，是一辈子也干不了大事的。

最新研究表明，尤其对于儿童和青少年来说，在传授坚持不懈这一思想的过程中，父亲扮演着要角色。那些努力工作，以自身为榜样，并且不好高骛远的父亲，他们可以通过长期的坚持达到对孩子的潜移默化。

毅力是最难教给孩子的品质之一。它要求我们在孩子遇到困难时，压制内心想给予他们帮助的冲动。让孩子忍受痛苦是与我们的本意相违背的，但是从长远看来，如果他们想磨炼自己的毅力，这都是必须要经历的。

不允许我们的儿子轻易放弃，是教会他坚持不懈的方法之一。另一个方法是让他们承担自身决定带来的一些自然后果。你的儿子至少应该有一个机会来获得快乐、成功、充实和满足的生活。最好的方式是，学会对自己的决定负责，面对挑战，坚持不懈。
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