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开心段子：公交车很挤，一个中年妇女带着一个六七岁的胖小孩

发布日期：2025-05-04 02:06:04编辑：星辰

公交车很挤，一个中年妇女带着一个六七岁的胖小孩，一上车一个劲往里挤，边挤边喊：谁给我们的宝宝让个座啊，我们宝宝还小，不要挤着他。我旁边一个民工小哥站起来给她让座，中年妇女看了看他，说了句：呀，这个座位脏了，我们的宝宝穿的是白裤子，不要把裤子弄脏了。民工小哥的脸一片通红，站也不是，坐也不是，那中年妇女拿出纸巾在座位上擦了又擦，最拿纸巾铺在上面，才让胖孩子坐了上去。快下车时，我默默地把嘴里的口香糖黏在了小孩的屁股底下。

昨晚回家，撞到家里的狗正在吭哧吭哧啃大头菜，开灯的一瞬间狗愣住了，嘴里的菜纷纷掉到地板上，一脸“卧槽身败名裂”的表情，一步步向后退，缩到床底下去了。可过了一会儿又装作什么都没发生，一脸“呀！主人你回来了！”的表情，愉快地蹿出来了……你演技再好，也不能忘了自己是一只狗狗好吗？你吃大头菜，让兔子怎么办！

一个阿姨过来买烤鱿鱼，称了一下。我告诉她：十九块七、就给十九吧！她说：行，帮我再加点酱和孜然。加完酱和孜然，阿姨说话了：“怎么那么贵啊，十五块钱吧，不然我不要了我微笑着说：慢走不送。然后当着她的面，把做好的鱿鱼倒给了天天过来的流浪狗。没什么，有钱就任性，有病得怨命。

今天坐公交车，人特别多，这时上来了一个大妈，步履蹒跚地走到我面前示意我让座，我没理她，那大妈就说现在的年轻人真没素质，我顿时就火了：别以为我不认识你，你天天在我们楼下跳广场舞跳得地动山摇，跟邻居们飙脏话整个小区都能听见，你特么一坐车就不行了，跟你比，这一车人哪个不是弱势群体！？车里顿时一片寂静，过了几秒钟后，掌声震天。儿子一岁四个月，前几天扁桃体炎去医院打点滴。打完点滴医生给额头针头处贴了一个药用创可贴，回到家中他就老是用手去摸，小心翼翼的那种摸，后来实在没忍住，将创可贴撕了下来，拿到眼前观察了半天。本以为他会扔掉，结果这小子又将创可贴高高举起，啪的一声贴在了脑门上。儿子，我很想告诉你，方向没找对！
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