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弄丢孩子的安全感 如何找回来

发布日期：2025-01-14 16:16:17编辑：秩名


 
　　朵朵半岁断奶后，我和朵爸都要上班，没人照顾孩子，请保姆又不放心，只能把朵朵送回老家给爷爷奶奶带。如果不是逼不得已，谁也不愿意让自己的孩子当留守儿童。等到2岁之后，我把朵朵接回来身边，发现孩子出现了一些问题，特别是在与人交流方面，一开始觉得孩子只是内向。可是慢慢发现，问题越来越严重了。
 
　　比如带孩子出去玩，走到人多的地方，她会很焦虑，要求绕道走。她害怕除家人以外的任何陌生人，害怕别人看着她，害怕别人对她热情......用惊恐来形容她见到陌生人的表情，一点也不为过。孩子到底怎么了?
 
 
 
　　朵朵在家还算正常，会跟大人表达自己的需求。一旦离开了家这个熟悉的环境，哪怕只是到小区楼下玩耍，她就开始焦虑。主要表现在以下几个方面：
 
　　不敢表达自己的需求，比如看到喜欢的玩具车，只会拉着大人去要，不敢自己去跟小朋友商量;
 
　　能用肢体动作完成的事情，绝不会用语言来表达。换句话说，能不开口就不开口，只会用摇头、点头等简单的肢体动作来完成正常的交流;
 
　　见到人就躲。小区里面的滑梯只要有小朋友玩的，她都不愿意过去，一定要找没人玩的滑梯。在电梯里面见到邻居也是喜欢躲在大人身后;
 
　　说话声音很小，不敢直视别人的眼睛，当别人关注她时，她还会把头转到另一边去。
 
　　看到这里，你是不是也替朵妈着急，朵朵为什么会这么害羞、内向、不自信，甚至连正常的交流都无法完成。说句心里话，朵妈那个时候也是看在眼里，急在心里，但即使是这样，我也不能把这些情绪表露出来，不想给孩子过多的心理负担。
 
　　后来，我才慢慢意识到，朵朵的种种表现并不是天生的，很大一部分是生活环境导致的。因为孩子跟着老人在老家生活了一段时间，在她最需要父母陪伴的阶段，却没有得到满足。老人带孩子只会关心吃喝拉撒，可是最重要的教育问题是不可能替代父母来完成的。
 
　　从那个时候起，我开始看大量的育儿书籍、关注一些育儿网站，找身边有经验的妈妈取经。当然，不管是书籍网站的内容，还是妈妈提供的一些建议，我会先过滤一次，分析这些方法是否适合朵朵，如果把孩子逼急了，只会适得其反。
 
　　从书上我第一次接触到“安全感”这个词，原来一直以为孩子可能是性格比较内向，并没有意识到是缺乏安全感的问题。那到底什么是安全感呢?说白了，安全感是孩子在成长中建立对他人、对世界的信任感。有安全感的孩子情绪稳定，性格坚定平和，遇事不会惊慌失措，能较好地融入与周围人的交往关系，能理智地处理在生活中遇到的难题。缺乏安全感的孩子，则表现为情绪波动大、胆小怕事、喜欢回避、性格孤僻、承受挫折的能力弱等人格倾向。
 
　　当孩子出现问题的时候，光着急是没有用的，我开始想各种办法，希望能够帮助朵朵，弥补2岁前缺失的安全感，让她重新找回自信：
 
　　先让朵朵学会跟小朋友交流。孩子在老家整天跟爷爷奶奶在一起，很少接触小朋友，也不懂得怎么跟小朋友交流。正好，同一层楼另外3户邻居的孩子都跟朵朵差不多大，隔三差五我会带着朵朵去串门，先是陪着朵朵一起玩，让朵朵能感受到妈妈在身边，放下戒心，专心跟小朋友一起玩拼图，搭积木。去过几次后，朵朵慢慢熟悉环境了，如果小朋友主动邀约，朵朵都愿意过去玩，再也不需要妈妈陪着。这是朵朵迈出的第一步，虽然是被动接受，但起码不会抗拒跟小朋友玩耍这件事。
 
　　孩子间的性格会相互影响，多跟性格差异大的孩子玩，会有意想不到的惊喜。这一点我深有体会。隔壁家有个小男孩性格外向特别调皮，天生自带自嗨功能，整天都处于兴奋状态，他的笑声可以穿透整一层楼。朵朵太需要这样的感染，于是，每天放学后，我们两家的大门都是敞开的。孩子可以互相串门，满屋子的追跑打闹，在沙发上面上串下跳，甚至直接在客厅来一场扭扭车比赛。尽管有时很吵，但为了孩子值得。这是朵朵第二阶段的进步，开始主动串门，孩子的天性被释放了。
 
　　工作再忙，周末亲子时间不能少。周末只要有时间，我和朵爸都会带朵朵去公园、游乐场、图书馆等一些人多的场所玩，有时会约上有孩子的朋友一起聚餐、郊游。让孩子能感受到父母的陪伴和爱，让孩子慢慢习惯人多陌生的环境。
 
 
　　给孩子说道理不如讲故事。每天晚上睡前半小时，我都会坚持给朵朵讲2本绘本。通过讲绘本能明显感觉到朵朵的情感变化，她喜欢坐在我的怀抱里听我讲故事，当讲到小动物找妈妈时，她会紧紧地抱着我，生怕妈妈离开她。这个时候，我会鼓励朵朵勇敢地表达自己的情感，不要藏在心里，渐渐地，朵朵会把喜怒哀乐都挂在脸上。我和朵朵的关系也越来越亲密了。
 
　　利用做家务的时间，多跟孩子沟通，了解她内心的想法。有些父母总以工作忙作为借口，没时间陪孩子。其实，你在洗碗、拖地、晒衣服的间隙，完全可以跟孩子愉快的聊天。在这个过程中，你会发现孩子真的长大了，很多事情有自己的判断和看法。
 
　　与孩子幼儿园的老师保持联系，共同帮助孩子建立自信。幼儿园每周都会发小朋友的成长档案，老师会记录本周孩子在幼儿园的表现，除了面对面的沟通，成长档案是家长跟老师最直接最有效的沟通方式。因此，每一周的家长评语栏，我都会写得格外详细，让老师清楚知道孩子在幼儿园和在家的不同表现，也希望老师在课堂上，可以适当引导朵朵表现自己，建立自信心。
 
弄丢孩子的安全感 如何找回来
 
图片来源：视觉中国
 
　　为了弥补朵朵2岁前缺失的安全感，我整整花了2年的时间。因此，建立安全感是一个长期的过程，并不是一两个月就能立竿见影的。经过这2年耐心引导和培养，朵朵已经不再是2岁时候的那个朵朵了，连幼儿园的老师也明显感觉到朵朵的变化，老师说：朵朵刚入园时候总是默默无闻，从来不敢表达自己的需求，只会点头和摇头;而现在的朵朵越来越大胆活泼，敢于表达自己，喜欢跟小朋友一起疯，幼儿园演出时也能自信地站在前排领舞。
 
　　有些妈妈可能会说，现在什么事情都喜欢跟孩子安全感扯上关系，孩子的安全感有这么重要吗?在育儿书籍看到或专家讲座听到“安全感”这个词，你可能会觉得很虚，甚至离你的生活很远。朵妈分享这个经历，是希望让更多妈妈重视孩子的安全感问题。了解孩子的安全感，在日常生活中怎样去建立。如果发现孩子缺乏安全感、缺乏自信，请不要焦虑，你的焦虑只会给孩子更大的压力。亲密的陪伴和耐心的引导是建立安全感最根本的基础。
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