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穷没关系 别灌输孩子这种思想

发布日期：2025-01-16 12:00:27编辑：秩名


 
　　有人说，养娃是个巨坑，样样都靠钱填。确实，当了妈以后，钱变得越来越不经用。
 
　　有些新手妈妈，盼星星盼月亮，总以为孩子不用喝奶粉、戒了纸尿裤，家里的开销就能少一点了。但其实接下来，一个更深的坑……不，应该是井，在后面等着你。（关注微信订阅号：朵妈亲子时光，聊聊亲子育儿那些事）
 
　　随着孩子长大，很快就会进入学前教育阶段。在现代社会，孩子的视界和教育绝对是硬指标。越好的幼儿园，要花的钱越多。
 
　　而且，随着孩子年龄的增长，他的个人需求也会越来越多。比如，你带他到超市，其实只是想买一瓶矿泉水，但在结账的时候，孩子神不知鬼不觉地变出个价格不菲的玩具放在收银台上……你想放回去?他立刻瞪着水汪汪的大眼睛看着你，你能拿他怎么样?
 
　　于是，被钱压得喘不过气的我们，可能会对孩子说：“放回去，我们买不起!”
 
　　隔天，孩子又看到了自己喜欢的另一个玩具或零食，我们又用同样的话告诉他：“这个太贵了，我们买不起”，或者“爸爸妈妈赚钱很辛苦的，我们没那么多钱……”
 
　　短期看来，这种“哭穷”教育好像可以让孩子变得很听话，不乱花钱，但实际上这种话说多了，对孩子的影响真的非常大!
 
　　常常提醒孩子“我们家很穷”，会有什么后果?
 
　　1、让孩子产生匮乏感
 
　　心理学家 Joseph Cilona说过，我们谈论钱的方式，会对孩子产生长久的影响，例如跟孩子解释“买不起”某种东西时，“买不起”这句话意味着缺乏力量或者控制能力，简单来说，就是“无能为力”。
 
　　这会让孩子产生一种匮乏感，怀疑父母是不是没有能力抚养自己了。从这个角度来看，这也是安全感缺失的一种表现，让孩子整日生活在“生活没有保障”的焦虑当中。
 
　　2、孩子可能会更自卑
 
　　我们可以不给孩子买昂贵的食物、衣服、玩具，但别总跟孩子提家里有多穷，否则贫穷会像个枷锁桎梏着他。在尚未有能力改变家庭环境的童年，对贫穷的过度抱怨，会让孩子感到无助和不安，每花一分钱都带着愧疚感。
 
　　甚至，孩子还会把自己和别人划分为不同的一类人。因为囊中羞涩，因为怕被鄙视，所以他们在交际里显得小心翼翼，脆弱又敏感，甚至是内向和自卑。
 
　　试问，辛苦奋斗的你，就为了给孩子一个这样的童年吗?
 
　　心理学上有个著名的理论叫“皮格马利翁效应”，说的是信念对一个人的影响。
 
　　如果经常在孩子面前哭穷，那么“贫穷”就会像你给孩子画的圈圈，一直“套”着孩子，孩子的未来真有可能过得非常贫穷!因为孩子的底气被磨灭了，人生格局也因此受到了非常大的限制。
 
　　同样的“穷父母”，却养出了不一样的孩子
 
　　A和B自小住在同一栋楼，都有个在工厂上班的爸爸，当家庭主妇的妈妈，都是普通的小家庭。
 
　　前不久，A去参加B的婚礼，婚礼非常隆重。回来后，她说看着同样起点的朋友，与自己的差距越来越大，内心充满了嫉妒和不甘。
 
　　A小时候，总以为B家比自己有钱，因为B的妈妈会给她买新衣，学习文具也从来不缺，而且还有零用钱。而A的妈妈总抱怨家里的花销很多，让她懂事点，还常拿表哥穿过的衣服给她穿，告诉她表哥的东西都是好货;甚至9岁时，妈妈还让她缩在怀里，装成身高不到1米2的小孩躲票……
 
　　但实际上，她们两家的经济情况是一样的，只是B妈妈更加懂得精打细算，整天想着如何用有限的钱让家里过得更好。
 
　　在这种不同的教育观念下，B总把自己收拾得很得体，性格更加开朗，很受老师和同学欢迎，而A骨子里总有一股自卑，不敢和朋友出去玩，因为没钱;不敢学习新的东西，因为害怕花钱;不敢恋爱，害怕别人嫌弃她家穷。
 
　　长大后，A渐渐发现，B家境其实也就跟自己家差不多。她与B的差距从来不是钱，而是父母的生活观念。
 
　　B就是不曾被“贫穷”吓唬过的孩子，在钱的面前总是底气十足，不为钱所困，就算钱不多，她也不会因此就失去对未来规划的信心，无论何时，总会想办法让自己过得更好，追求更高的生活目标。
 
　　而A，一直被贫穷的观念打败着，凡是有关钱的事，都会牵动着她的神经，在机会与发展面前，她会首先考虑钱，不为长远的目标做打算。
 
　　对金钱的态度和认识，真会影响一个人的命运。
 
 
　　不哭穷，聪明父母这样教育孩子
 
　　说到这，我们都知道了在孩子面前，“穷”字是个敏感字眼，说不得。但是遇到“不该买”或“买不起”的情况，我们该怎么办?
 
　　1、购物之前，和孩子一起清点要买的物品清单，要买多少样东西，大概需要花多少钱。
 
　　2、告诉孩子“这东西的价格超出了我们的预算，这样花掉我们的钱，我觉得是不聪明的做法。”
 
　　3、让孩子思考，有没有其他更重要的地方需要花钱，或者告诉他“为什么你不能买这个零食呢?因为你已经把钱花在其他地方了。”
 
　　4、和孩子讨论某样玩具、零食值不值得买，把你的想法告诉他。如果孩子不了解整个选择过程，只是看着你给钱付款，会让他产生错觉，以为买东西就这么容易。
 
　　5、给适当的零花钱，让孩子来管理钱，自己决定要不要买。（关注微信订阅号：朵妈亲子时光，聊聊亲子育儿那些事）
 
　　千万别以为孩子小，听不懂我们在说什么，其实他们的悟性非常高。重点是，这样教育孩子，还能让孩子大概地了解自己家的经济状况、消费能力大概在什么水平，懂得赚钱的不容易，但也不会陷入对贫穷的恐惧当中来，这才是我们应该努力的方向。
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