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我们在教育孩子时,如何给孩子“授之以渔”?

发布日期:2024-09-01 23:52:24编辑:胖虎爱撩妹

邻居家一18岁男孩,今年刚参加完高考。暑假在家自已做饭吃,一边等待高考消息和通知。
 
在和邻居聊天中得知,男孩高考成绩不错,分数达到重点本科录取分数线,平时在家也会积极动手帮家里做些力所能及的事情。
 
高分又具备动手行动力的孩子,具备照顾自已的能力,即使将来远离父母外出求学或工作,父母也是放心的。
 
父母养育者孩子,对孩子持有什么养育理念,很大程度上决定着你是给予孩子鱼,还是渔?
 
当这样问的时候,很多父母更加倾向于给予孩子渔,那是陪伴孩子一生的能力。
 
如何在养育过程中授予孩子渔呢?相信每一个对孩子充满期待的父母都非常关注这点。
 
我们可以参考以下三点,让孩子收获渔,收获陪伴一生的能力。
 
 
 
01 从小给孩子提供力所能及的动手机会
 
看到邻居家高分高能的男孩,让我不禁想起之前网络上一则短片刷爆朋友圈《世界再大,大不过一盘番茄炒蛋》。
 
一名在美国留学的中国学生,在一天下午四点多的时候,想用中国菜番茄炒鸡蛋招待自已的美国同学,于是拿起手机通过微信,求助妈妈:“如何做一款番茄炒鸡蛋。
 
远在海岸另一边的妈妈开始从打鸡蛋,到切番茄,再到煎鸡蛋和混合炒的每一个细节讲了一次,孩子还是感觉难,无从下手。
 
为了教会远在美国的孩子学会这道番茄炒蛋的中国菜,妈妈从冰箱拿出番茄和鸡蛋,把这道菜从头到尾做一次,爸爸在一边负责录视频。孩子对着视频做出了番茄炒蛋这道菜。
 
孩子在告诉妈妈做成功时,突然想起两国之间的12小时时差,美国下午的四点,是中国凌晨四点,这在平时爸爸妈妈应该在熟睡中,孩子内心感到深深地内疚。
 
这则消息在评论区引起强烈的讨论,有评论孩子:那么大的孩子留学美国,不知道上百度搜索吗?不会找个小红书学着做吗?
 
也有评论父母:怎么样的父母才会培养出如此高分低能的孩子?
 
还有人说这是妈宝男,有事第一时间找妈妈;
 
二十岁几岁的年龄配两岁的动手能力等……
 
看着这些评论,也引发了很多父母的思考。
 
孩子一两岁时,喜欢这里摸摸,那里掏掏的时候,当妈的第一时间提出抗议:“不许动,不要摸、那里脏。”然后抱着哭哭啼啼的孩子离开。
 
孩子三四岁在厨房倒腾的时候,耳边传来妈妈的催促:“出来,出来,厨房危险,不要在那里玩。”连哄带抱把孩子带离厨房。
 
把孩子抱出来后,不一会儿发现孩子又跑回厨房去,跟打游击战一样,孩子反复出现在厨房。
 
孩子五六岁的时候,想帮忙摘菜叶子,对洗碗感兴趣时,妈妈说:“别捣乱,赶紧出去出去,这么小的孩子会干啥,只会添乱。”于是把孩子轰出了厨房,孩子只好去玩玩具……
 
妈妈以保护孩子卫生、安全的名义,无意识中阻止孩子这些行为,恰恰也剥夺了孩子的动手能力、探索行为,更是无知地剥夺了孩子以后独立自主动手的能力。
 
爱孩子,需要我们真正了解孩子的成长特性,了解孩子的适龄行为,并提供力所能及的动手机会。
 
从孩子一两岁开始,尝试着自已抓住勺子吃饭,即使米饭满地开花,那也是一种学习技能的过程。
 
从孩子三四岁开始,尝试着自已穿衣服,即使东拉西扯,那也是一种自我的突破:我可以自已穿衣服。
 
从孩子五六开始,对厨房充满兴趣开始,可以一起摘叶子,洗豆角,是孩子对生活的体验,也是通过生活来体验个人生存能力。
 
在生活中,给孩子提供参与动手的机会,融入生活的锻炼,相当于识培养孩子获得渔的能力。
 
 
02 给予孩子提供探索的空间和试错的成长机会
 
闺蜜毕业出来工作以后,敢打敢拼,行动起来风雷厉行,收入也节节高,直奔小康。于是想买辆奔驰,又担心被爸妈否定,不同意买。问我怎么办。
 
闺蜜说,想起以前爸妈不管自已做了什么事情,基本是持不赞成不同意的态度,还常常指责孩子这不行,那不行,整天执行打击式教育,导致闺蜜有什么事情也不愿意跟爸妈沟通,包括这次买车的想法。
 
我问闺蜜:“你是个成年人,凭借自已实力赚的钱,凭实力买的车,如果父母反对你,你的卡点在哪里?用他们的钱?需要他们的意见?需要他们的支持!这些都不需要,那你觉得你买不买?”
 
后来闺蜜买了车,不出意料还是被爸妈说了一通。一个女孩子凭实力买车也是人生一大喜事啊,可惜了这对父母的打击式教育。不愿给孩子提供探索的空间和成长的机会,只会否定孩子,拖孩子的后退,对孩子的影响一直残留到成年。
 
智慧养育者可以怎么做,只要孩子不做“三不原则:不伤害他人,不伤害自已,不伤害环境的情况下,我们应当给予孩子足够的空间去探索,去发展。父母习惯用自已有限的认知和经验主义来养育孩子,那是限制了孩子的成长和未来发展。
 
在“三不原则”的前提下,智慧父母可以怎么做?
 
1.孩子喜欢的事情给予大力的支持;
 
2.做孩子成长的有益导师;
 
3.做孩子的搭档和支持者。
 
 
 
03 允许孩子对自已说“不”!
 
望子成龙,望女成凤。相信这是多数为人父母对孩子的期待。
 
于是很多父母恨不得用自已的人生经历经验以及认知,希望孩子听话照做,做个乖乖孩子。
 
父母过去的,孩子未曾经历;孩子未来经历的,父母也未曾经历。所以父母一代的成长环境及认知不一定能助力孩子,弄巧成拙就变成约束孩子。
 
当父母意识到这点,应该学会以接纳孩子说“不“。
 
前面那个留学美国的孩子,可以想像到平时是个乖乖孩子,需要帮忙第一时间找妈妈。
 
平时在家经常说“不”的孩子,第一时间想的是我可以怎么做,我可以找谁,而不是在半夜四点还飘洋过海寻求妈妈的帮助。作为一个成年人留学,找同学,找网络工具小能手,学会找父母以外的寻求帮助,也是一种渔的能力。
 
作家毕淑敏说:“拒绝是一种权利,就像生存是一种权利。”
 
可见会说不的孩子,是一个有主见的孩子;敢说不的孩子,是一个能勇气的孩子;能说的孩子,是一个充满力量且找到多种解决问题方法的孩子。
 
养育孩子,除了要养大,还要教会孩子立足社会的基本技能。可见养育孩子的过程中,给予孩子鱼是短期目标,培养孩子拥有渔的能力是长期目标。
 
让孩子从小能动手,敢动手;让孩子敢于探索,勇于试错;允许孩子说不,培养自己的自主能力,这些都是培养孩子的渔的能力,你做到了吗?
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