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培养孩子的自信,你只需做一个60分妈妈!

发布日期:2024-09-01 00:23:34编辑:胖虎爱撩妹

很多女性自从成为了妈妈后,就一直任劳任怨,巴不得什么都为孩子考虑好、准备妥当。不仅如此,在家庭中,她们还需要承担家务活、照顾全家人的衣食住行,而最重要的就是要教育和培养孩子。
 
对于很多父母来说,都有“望子成龙、望女成凤”的愿望,都希望孩子能够比别人强,长大后出人头地。大多数女性也是从当妈妈的那天开始,对孩子的牵挂就多了,而当妈妈前的那份娇贵就荡然无存了。
 
我们都巴不得能够做一个100分的妈妈,让孩子能够一帆风顺,事事顺利,但是实际上,孩子并不需要100分的妈妈,他只需要一个60分的妈妈。
 
为什么这么说呢?下面来分析一下你就知道了。
 
 
 
妈妈追求完美,导致孩子羞怯自卑
 
在今年春节期间,由贾玲自导自演的电影《你好,李焕英》,在电影中走红,它让我们为其捧腹大笑的同时,也不禁为其潸然泪下。
 
电影中将妈妈李焕英为女儿操劳一辈子的形象描绘的淋漓尽致,这是一个朴实母亲的形象,也是所有母亲的真实写照,让观众看了后内心产生共鸣。
 
在这世界上所有的爱,毫无保留、无怨无悔的爱,必然是母亲对孩子的爱,她们对孩子的付出,一直都是不求回报的。美国诗人沃尔特·惠特曼曾说过:“全世界的目前多么相像,她们的心始终一样,每一个母亲都有一颗极为纯真的赤子之心。”
 
对于很多刚成为母亲的女性来说,都希望自己能够做个完美妈妈。在现实生活中,都希望能够为自己、为孩子贴上一个“完美”的标签,如:完美的家长、完美的爸爸、完美的妈妈、完美的孩子,等等。
 
然而妈妈追求完美,却会导致孩子的性格羞怯自卑。家里有一位追求完美的妈妈,当孩子想要做事情的时候,往往会先询问妈妈的意见。而在做事情期间,若是无法做好,完美妈妈就会取而代之,帮他将事情做好。
 
前不久和闺蜜相聚的时候,说到孩子教育时,她说起隔壁家那位完美的妈妈。她家的小男孩平时不管说话,还是做事都是胆小谨慎,说话的时候,说的好听是轻声细语,但是说白了就是自卑。
 
平时在楼道的时候可以经常听到小男孩的哭声,而很多时候却是因为事情无法做到,这个时候他妈妈就会说“没事的,宝宝不哭,宝宝还小,事情做不好,让妈妈来就好。”
 
由于妈妈的各种代劳,让孩子深刻感受到自己的无能;而妈妈的万能,却是什么都帮孩子做,日积月累就会让孩子缺乏自信,认为不管做什么,自己不会,只需要找妈妈就行。
 
而当孩子在成长过程中遇到挫折时,往往却是手足无措,不知道该怎么去面对,严重者会导致孩子轻生。
 
 
充满条件的爱,挫伤孩子的自信
 
2019在上海发生的一则新闻,让所有妈妈都为之震惊。17岁的中学生,与母亲在车流中追赶,然而中学生不顾妈妈的喊叫和追赶,从卢浦大桥跳了下去,那位母亲抓空后,捶胸顿足,坐在地上。
 
新闻中这个画面让人看了十分揪心,让人惋惜,一个正值花样年华的男孩就这样结束了自己的生命。导致男孩跳桥的原因,是因为其在学校与同学发生冲突,母亲将他接回去批评教育。因为母子二人间的争执,母亲将车停在大桥上的路中间批评他。
 
结果没想到的是,孩子与同学发生冲突没事,却是在母亲的“批评教育”下结束了自己年轻的生命。
 
现在细细回想,主要还是因为母亲对孩子缺乏接纳。当孩子在学校与同学发生冲突的时候,内心本身就已经充满了自责与恐惧,在回家路上还要被妈妈批评、责备。在这种矛盾激化的环境下,轻则让孩子更加胆怯,重则使孩子放弃生命。
 
关于不被父母所接纳,其实在现实生活中比比皆是,他们对孩子所表现出的爱,都充满了条件:孩子在学习上需要考出好成绩、不准孩子表达自己的意见、要按照父母的要求做事……
 
存在以上的种种行为,或许父母的初衷是为了让孩子变得更好,但是却不知道,这一系列的行为做法,却会导致孩子缺乏自信。
 
 
 
做个60分的妈妈,送给孩子成长的礼物
 
在大多数女性成为妈妈后,都习惯性的将孩子放在首位,而关于自己的需求、喜好都放在次位,有的甚至是放在最后。在她们看来,自己为了孩子、为了家庭的牺牲,是理所当然,这是作为母亲、作为家里女主人应该做的。
 
在妈妈看来是一种母爱的彰显,但是在实际生活上所发生的事情却往往事与愿违。尤其是在事事都以孩子为中心时,会发现很多事情的发展,并不能如偿所愿,而且有时候事情还会出现失控的现象。
 
有时候妈妈们还会发现,过于关注孩子,对孩子的教育或干涉过多,然而无法取得自己想要的效果。这个时候,妈妈们会感到迷茫、感到挫败,开始怀疑自己所做的一切、自己的牺牲是否值得。
 
其实英国著名心理学家唐纳德·温尼科曾提出这么一个观点:“good enough mother”,我国心理学家曾奇峰先生将这个观点翻译为“60分妈妈”。这里的意思指的是,在孩子的成长过程中,不需要100分的妈妈,也不需要最好的妈妈,只需要一个60分的妈妈就够了。
 
对于孩子来说,妈妈给予的太少,会让孩子缺乏安全感和信任感,导致孩子内心无法强大,而妈妈给予的太多,对孩子无法做到真正的放手,则会使孩子缺乏勇气和胆魄。
 
若是要想培养有自信的孩子,父母则需要先让自己成为有信心的人。《圣经》上有这么一句话:“凡事相信,凡事盼望”,对于父母来说,信心是永恒的功课,同时也是永恒的修炼。这个道理,对于孩子来说同样适用。
 
作为妈妈,在孩子需要的时候及时出现,在孩子不需要的时候适当退出,这是每一个妈妈应该知道并学习的技能。一个好妈妈,在亲子关系中,肯定不是丧失自我的人。爱孩子,不能成为我们的枷锁,即便成为妈妈,也是有权力去追求和成就更好的自己。
 
在电影《你好,李焕英》中,有这么一句台词,说出了成为“60分妈妈”的心愿:“我的女儿,我只要她健康快乐就行。”其实在养育孩子的时候,作为父母,不妨多些敬畏之心,不要认为是个大人,就比孩子高一等,从而有权对孩子指指点点。
 
其实孩子并没有我们想象中的那么弱,所以你没必要对自己要求那么高,非要成为一个完美的妈妈、一个超人妈妈。你仅需做个60分的妈妈,孩子自然会独立成长。成长无止境,说的不仅是孩子,作为大人同样如此。
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