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父母想要教育好孩子,非得统一好战线吗?

发布日期:2024-09-01 00:00:40编辑:胖虎爱撩妹

我们很多家长对“想要成功地教育孩子,就要统一战线”这一句话深信不疑。比如明星黄磊和孙莉对女儿黄多多的教育就是“父母统一战线式”教育。
 
黄多多做错了事,黄磊和孙莉会一起说她,如果做对了,两人会一起夸她。黄磊曾说,如果孩子发现父母意见不一致,那么她就会钻空子,去投靠更有利于她的一方。
 
这种说法没有错,但是我们还是要正确地看待和理解“统一战线式教育”。下面我们从以下几方面来分析一下父母在教育孩子时,是不是非得要统一战线?
 
 
首先,父母是人,他们是两个独立的个体,不可能事事意见都一致
 
有孩子的父母可以回想一下,在育儿的过程中,你们难道没有意见不一致的时候吗?
 
举个简单的例子:四岁的孩子有一天在家里的新墙上乱涂鸦,妈妈回来一看立刻就火冒三丈,刚装修的新房子就被画成了这样,难免控制不住情绪把孩子大骂一顿,甚至有可能动手打了几下,想让孩子长点记性。
 
但是看了一些育儿类书籍的爸爸并不赞成这样的做法,他觉得年龄小的孩子毁坏家里的东西并非是本意,他们是非常原始和自然的行为探索。
 
爸爸觉得父母对孩子行为的反应会影响孩子的自信心。
 
如果我们通过打骂来让孩子吸取教训,也许最终不一定能达成让孩子爱惜物品的目的,因为在父母的训斥、打骂之下,孩子的自信心可能会下降,并且会在自我贬低的过程中变得一蹶不振。
 
最后他要么继续在墙上乱写乱画,要么还会产生更疯狂的报复念头,那么毁坏的不一定是家里的白墙了,也许是其它更加值钱的东西。
 
所以,爸爸觉得这个时候父母应该控制下情绪,并适当地鼓励和引导孩子,可以这样说:“你真有创造力,画得真不错,不过我们要给你找个更合适的地方让你发挥才好。”
 
此时,爸爸和妈妈的意见就是不一致的。
 
如果孩子的行为确实存在着问题,那么父母双方可以统一战线,来纠正孩子的行为,并且让孩子知道什么是底线?什么是原则?
 
但问题就出在孩子的某个行为,父母一方觉得是错的,另一方觉得没什么大不了,用不着这样上纲上线的,这就是分歧所在,而且日常教育中,这种分歧很多,根本就统一不了什么战线!
 
 
 
其次,当父母一方教育观点错误时,另一方一定要站出来主持公道
 
无论是生活中,还是影视剧中,我们经常看到的画面就是父母中的一方对孩子进行教育,有的教育是错误的、极端的,但是另一方“冷眼旁观”。
 
于是,孩子就很绝望,他们发现没有人能给他主持公道,能站出来替说话,这种绝望或许能伴随着他的一生。
 
孩子有爸爸和妈妈,按道理说,他可以有两次接受正面信息的机会。如果父母一方在教育孩子时行为和语言都很偏激,这个时候还决定统一战线,就意味着两个人一条心地对孩子进行最残酷的镇压。
 
而当父母在使用“战线”这个词的时候,他们就已经开始努力计划着和孩子进行对抗了,打算和孩子较量一番,看谁弱谁强。亲子关系的权力斗争,没有谁赢谁输,只有两败俱伤。
 
当父母一方习惯用侮辱或伤害孩子的语言来攻击孩子时,那么,另一方一定要大胆地说出自己的感受,要敢于站在孩子这一边,为他进行辩护,这个时候不需要什么统一战线。
 
这样做,孩子就会知道,你是他可以信赖的对象。相反,如果你总是一言不发或者支持另一方的言行,那么孩子以后将不会再信任你们中的另一方,慢慢地将会彻底关上心门。
 
人都不是完美的,父母有的时候也会大脑短路,说出一些伤害孩子的话,也会因为工作压力太大,把情绪带到家中来。那么父母一方犯这种错误,另一方就最好不要站在一边不说话,最好能站出来给孩子主持公道。
 
 
 
最后,当父母双方观点不一致时,也要在互相尊重的基础上表达出自己的意见
 
孩子也并不希望自己的父母因为他而对立起来,他想要的只是一个公平的说法。
 
父母存在分歧的时候也要理智沟通,不要在教育孩子的现场,两人就开始争论不休、争锋相对,以至于最后恶语相向。
 
这样教育的结果会更糟,会让孩子不知所措,会更加内疚和自责,他最终会把所有的问题指向自己,认为是自己影响了父母之间的感情。
 
父母在表达不同意见时要基于“充分尊重对方、维护彼此威信”的原则,这样才能让孩子明白:即使大家的意见不一致,也还是可以和谐并且相亲相爱地生活在一起。
 
所以我们说,在教育孩子的过程中,也并不是非得要统一战线,还是要视情况而定。如果父母其中一方的教育观点是正确的,那么另一方可以配合。如果存在分歧,请选择一种好的方式来表达自己的意见。
 
而作为父母,也压根营造不了一个没有任何差异的世界,和一个完全一致的生活。我们让孩子看到不一致的观点共存一处,也是丰富了孩子的视野。如果最后大家能坐下来,一起讨论、交流,最终解决问题,这样的处理方式是不是更好一点?
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