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亲子冲突有妙招!教你轻松化解亲子矛盾!

发布日期:2024-08-31 00:20:50编辑:胖虎爱撩妹

昨晚在小区散步,无意间经过一群小孩身边。
 
这群小孩正不亦乐乎地在一个儿童电动汽车里爬上爬下。我注意到一个2岁左右的小男孩,他非常想坐到车上去,可是车上的座位只容得下两个小孩子,而那一堆共有5个小孩。
 
小男孩看着别人爬上爬下,轮流着玩,自己既有些胆怯,也非常渴望。只见他朝着他妈妈大哭,拉着妈妈的手走到车前,期望妈妈为他赶跑别的小孩,然后让自己坐上去。
 
这位妈妈只得去询问那些小朋友,小朋友的家长们看见了,在一旁也鼓动大家要谦让。就这样,小男孩坐上去了。可是他坐上去后,没一会儿就下来了,过了一会儿又要上去。
 
然而这时其他人坐上去了,没有位置了。小男孩又大哭起来,对他妈妈重复着之前的动作。
 
4次之后,妈妈终于忍不住了,拉着小男孩准备回家。可他哪里肯依?倒在地上大哭起来。
 
这位妈妈终于发火了,大骂一声:“我还管不了你了!”遂一把将小男孩抱起,气冲冲地回家去了。
 
此情此景,让我不由得深思,当出现亲子冲突时,父母似乎总是赢的那一方,因为对于弱小的孩子而言,父母占据绝对的优势。
 
然而,父母虽然赢得了一时,却无法从根本上解决亲子冲突的问题,相反,还会让孩子产生严重的心理障碍。
 
那么,当亲子冲突出现时,父母如何做才能够既有效化解矛盾,又不给孩子留下阴影呢?
 
在《PET父母效能训练》这本书中,作者提出了解决冲突的6步法,可以给我们一些借鉴。
 
 
 
01 确认并界定冲突
 
很多时候,亲子冲突中出现的问题,在当事人父母看来,只是表面的一些问题,而并非真正的问题。
 
因为,父母们往往会在不知不觉中,提出自己认为正确的解决方案,而并未意识到孩子真正的内心需求。
 
如果这些潜在的需求得不到解决,那么亲子冲突的火焰不可能被完全掐灭。因此,我们首先需要做的就是,确认并界定冲突。那么,具体该如何做呢?
 
首先,父母可以明确告诉孩子,自己有怎样的感受,以及自己有什么需求没有得到满足,或者自己正被什么事情所困扰。比如,你可以对孩子说:我真是郁闷,这里大部分家务都是我做的,我完全没有时间放松。
 
其次,对孩子进行积极有效的倾听。比如,当孩子找不到玩具时,你可以告诉孩子:“原来你的玩具不见了,那么,它在哪里呢?”然后,孩子很可能会去到处寻找,这个过程中你无须给建议,只需对孩子的反应给予适时的一些鼓励与反馈,直到他终于找到自己的玩具。
 
再次,父母需要清楚地阐述一下你们目前面临的冲突或问题,以便让你和孩子对此达成共识。
 
02 找出可能的备选解决方案
 
这一步需要父母和孩子共同来找到解决办法,父母可以这样对孩子建议:“我们可以做的事情有哪些呢?”“让我们一起想想,有哪些解决方案呢?”
 
在这个阶段中,有几点需要父母注意:
 
首先,父母可以先尝试听取孩子的解决方案,等孩子说完之后你再提出你的方法。因为有些小孩子一开始可能无法自己想出,这需要时间。
 
其次,当孩子提出解决方案之后,父母千万不要评价或者贬低孩子,你只需要接纳所有的方法。
 
同时,你也不要用任何方式来表明,哪个解决方案你无法接受。
 
最后,你需要对孩子进行不断的鼓励和督促。直到他想出所有的他能够想到的解决方案。
 
 
03 评估备选解决方案
 
接下来,你们就可以对这些备选方案进行评估了。父母可以这样说:“现在让我们来看看,哪个解决方案是我们想要的呢?”
 
通常,可以用排除法来舍弃拿些父母或孩子无法接受的方案,在这个过程中,父母必须坦诚地表示自己对哪个方案不喜欢,并尊重孩子的意见,直到你们终于找到了1到2个还不错的方案。
 
04 确定最合适的解决方案
 
当以上步骤都完成了,这时候,一个明确的最佳解决方案往往会浮出水面。针对这个最好的方案,父母需要让双方都明白,这个方案是大家共同决定的。
 
你可以这样对孩子说:“好了,这是我们共同的答案,下面,让我们来试试这个办法,看看它是不是行得通。”
 
 
 
05 执行解决方案
 
在确定了解决方案之后,父母需要和孩子详细说明如何执行这个方案。双方需要明确,谁在什么时候需要做什么,具体需要怎样执行,以及从什么时候开始执行。
 
比如,在关于睡觉时间的冲突中,全家人可能会讨论由谁来看时间以及报时;在整理房间的冲突中,可能需要探讨整洁程度的问题……
 
总之,一旦形成了最终决策,执行问题就会变得简单得多。
 
06 对解决方案的效果进行追踪评估
 
由以上方法得出的最终决策,并非都是好的决定。因此,父母需要不时查看孩子的反馈,问问他们,是否对这个决定感到满意,是否能够顺利执行这个方案。
 
父母可以在一段时间之后这样询问孩子:“我们的方案效果如何?你现在对我们的决定还满意吗?”当父母这样问孩子的时候,孩子会感受到父母的关爱和尊重。
 
最后,如果孩子对方案并不满意,你们也可以对已有的方案进行修改,以顺利达成解决冲突的问题。
 
写在最后:
 
教育孩子,是父母最好的修行。
 
很多时候,当面临亲子冲突时,需要成长的不仅是孩子,更应该是父母。
 
父母只有做到真正的觉醒,才能够有效地化解亲子矛盾。
 
而通过以上6步,父母不仅能够认识到自己的真正感受与需求,也能帮助孩子找到解决问题的办法。
 
这是有益于亲子关系的良方妙药,每一位父母都值得收藏。
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