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寒假，亲子矛盾频发，家长纵使再生气，也要学会管住你的嘴

发布日期：2024-08-22 02:57:36编辑：网络收集

一大早，妈妈群里就出现了几百条的留言，爬楼看了下，发现各位妈妈无非都在讨论，寒假期间孩子们令人烦恼的行为和习惯。

比如乐乐妈妈说：自从放了寒乐乐放飞了自我，晚上不睡，一觉睡到中午十一二点，早晨自己去上班，还要打电话喊她起床，结果给她打四五个电话她都不起，还动不动就挂电话。

再比如，果果妈妈说：“儿子寒假里玩游戏毫无节制，一旦沉迷其中，任凭你怎么劝，他总是一拖再拖。昨天，母子俩为此还爆发了一场激烈的争吵。“

……

总之，群里的妈妈们，无论是全职妈妈，还是职场妈妈，对于孩子的寒假生活都充满了忧虑。就好像没有他们时时刻刻的监督和批评，孩子就会废在这个寒假里。

记得之前看过一个有关“大学生假期和父母相处情况”的调查，调查结果显示：85.02%的学生都曾有过在假期被父母唠叨批评的经历！其中超过八成的学生因此跟父母发生过小矛盾。

虽然这是一项关于大学生的调查，但对于中小学生照样适用！事实证明：父母不当的监督、唠叨和批评，不仅无法纠正孩子的不良行为，反而会引发亲子矛盾。

01寒假，父母不当的批评和唠叨，会带来什么？

记得之前看过一个有趣的故事，说的是著名作家马克·吐温有一次，在教堂里听牧师演讲。

刚开始听讲的时候，他觉得牧师讲的很让人感动，于是准备捐出自己身上所有的钱。可是过了十分钟，牧师还在喋喋不休的演讲。

此时，马克·吐温听得已经有些不耐烦了，于是决定只捐出身上一部分的钱！然而又过了十多分钟。

牧师依旧在罗里吧嗦的演讲，于是马克·吐温决定，一分钱也不捐了。等到牧师终于演讲完毕，真正开始募捐的时候，马克·吐温不仅没有捐钱，还因为气愤，从募捐箱里拿走了2元钱！

该故事看似有趣，实则给我们讲述了心理学界的一个现象：“超限效应”。

即，刺激过多、过强或作用时间过久，从而引起心理极不耐烦或逆反的心理现象。

超限效应在教育领域中时有发生，例如在家庭教育和学校教育里，父母或老师可能会因为孩子或学生的一些错误而过度批评或唠叨，导致孩子或学生产生厌烦、逆反的心理。

比如，当孩子在寒假，一直玩游戏不写作业时，父母就会一次、两次、三四次重复的对孩子进行唠叨批评，使孩子从内疚不安到不耐烦，最后反感讨厌，实在忍不了的时候，就可能会出现彻底放弃、我偏要玩的反抗心理和行为。

关爱孩子应该是让孩子感到温暖和被理解，并对孩子有实际意义的帮助，而大事小事都要管，最终又没讲到点子上的唠叨 和批评，只能让孩子产生反感并急于逃避，而且还会破坏你在孩子心中的威信，引发亲子矛盾，甚至使孩子变得不自信，失去独立思考的能力，影响孩子的心理健康。

在养育孩子的过程中，父母难免会遇到一些棘手的问题，尤其是在寒假这种需要跟孩子朝夕相处的时间里，更是矛盾频发。比如，最常见的孩子晚上不睡、早晨不起，不写作业，总是玩游戏等各种问题。

一旦发生这些问题，不是不可以指责批评，而是应当注意方式方法，并且记住一定要尽量避免超限效应的发生，以免引起孩子逆反心理现象。

02 对孩子的批评要”甜蜜“一些

我国著名教育家陶行知先生在育才小学当校长时，就经常处理孩子之间的矛盾，但他就特别的讲究方式方法。

比如有一次，他看到一位同学正在用泥巴丢另一位同学，于是就上前阻止了丢泥巴的同学，并要求该学生放学后去校长室找自己。

本以为要受批评的同学早早的到了校长室门口，没想到陶行知先生刚回到校长室，就掏出了一颗糖递给了这位同学。

看着对此举非常诧异的同学，陶行知解释道：”这是奖励你的，因为你比我准时！“话音刚毕，陶行知又掏出一颗糖给了这位同学，并说道：”这颗糖也是奖励你的，因为我制止你用泥巴丢同学，你就立刻住手了，说明了你对我的尊重！“

那位同学诚惶诚恐的接过两颗糖后，陶行知先生又对其说道：”听说，你用泥巴丢那位同学，是因为他欺负女生，说明你非常有正义感！“于是又掏出第三颗糖奖励给了这位学生。

到这里，那位学生忍不住的哭了，并且对陶行知先生说：”校长，我错了，同学再不对，我也不该打他。“

陶行知满意的笑了，于是又立刻掏出第四颗糖说：”你已经知道错了，再奖励你一颗糖，我们的谈话到此结束。“

其实，陶行知先生对这位学生的批评，是利用了一个名叫“椰壳效应”的教育方式。

这个概念来自一个故事，讲述的是一个小孩子总是不愿意好好吃饭。父母尝试了各种方法，做尽了各种美食，但孩子依旧没有食欲。最后，孩子的父亲从外面带回来一个椰壳，把它做成漂亮的小碗，孩子竟然开始好好吃饭了。

这个故事表明，有时候，改变问题的视角或方式，可能会带来意想不到的正面效果。

陶行知先生将对孩子的批评转换为”糖果“，让学生在”甜蜜“中受到教育！

所以，同样是批评、教育孩子，作为父母，我们为何不试试椰壳效应，换种语气或者表达方式，让孩子轻松的认识到自己的错误，鼓励和促进他们自我教育，自我发展呢！

【最后写给父母的话】

寒假期间，与孩子朝夕相处，孩子的行为言语，难免有让我们不满意的地方。我们作为父母，可以批评，但一定要讲究方式方法。

因为批评是把双刃剑，父母利用的好，用到恰当，就是一剂良药，可以让孩子心服口服，帮助孩子改正错误及不良习惯。

利用得不好，批评就会变成一把利剑，刺伤孩子的心灵，伤害孩子的自尊，甚至自信心，使得孩子产生逆反心理，甚至影响心理健康。
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