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寒假,亲子矛盾频发,家长纵使再生气,也要学会管住你的嘴

发布日期:2024-08-22 02:57:36编辑:网络收集

一大早,妈妈群里就出现了几百条的留言,爬楼看了下,发现各位妈妈无非都在讨论,寒假期间孩子们令人烦恼的行为和习惯。

比如乐乐妈妈说:自从放了寒乐乐放飞了自我,晚上不睡,一觉睡到中午十一二点,早晨自己去上班,还要打电话喊她起床,结果给她打四五个电话她都不起,还动不动就挂电话。

再比如,果果妈妈说:“儿子寒假里玩游戏毫无节制,一旦沉迷其中,任凭你怎么劝,他总是一拖再拖。昨天,母子俩为此还爆发了一场激烈的争吵。“

……

总之,群里的妈妈们,无论是全职妈妈,还是职场妈妈,对于孩子的寒假生活都充满了忧虑。就好像没有他们时时刻刻的监督和批评,孩子就会废在这个寒假里。

记得之前看过一个有关“大学生假期和父母相处情况”的调查,调查结果显示:85.02%的学生都曾有过在假期被父母唠叨批评的经历!其中超过八成的学生因此跟父母发生过小矛盾。

虽然这是一项关于大学生的调查,但对于中小学生照样适用!事实证明:父母不当的监督、唠叨和批评,不仅无法纠正孩子的不良行为,反而会引发亲子矛盾。

01寒假,父母不当的批评和唠叨,会带来什么?

记得之前看过一个有趣的故事,说的是著名作家马克·吐温有一次,在教堂里听牧师演讲。

刚开始听讲的时候,他觉得牧师讲的很让人感动,于是准备捐出自己身上所有的钱。可是过了十分钟,牧师还在喋喋不休的演讲。

此时,马克·吐温听得已经有些不耐烦了,于是决定只捐出身上一部分的钱!然而又过了十多分钟。

牧师依旧在罗里吧嗦的演讲,于是马克·吐温决定,一分钱也不捐了。等到牧师终于演讲完毕,真正开始募捐的时候,马克·吐温不仅没有捐钱,还因为气愤,从募捐箱里拿走了2元钱!

该故事看似有趣,实则给我们讲述了心理学界的一个现象:“超限效应”。

即,刺激过多、过强或作用时间过久,从而引起心理极不耐烦或逆反的心理现象

超限效应在教育领域中时有发生,例如在家庭教育和学校教育里,父母或老师可能会因为孩子或学生的一些错误而过度批评或唠叨,导致孩子或学生产生厌烦、逆反的心理。

比如,当孩子在寒假,一直玩游戏不写作业时,父母就会一次、两次、三四次重复的对孩子进行唠叨批评,使孩子从内疚不安到不耐烦,最后反感讨厌,实在忍不了的时候,就可能会出现彻底放弃、我偏要玩的反抗心理和行为。

关爱孩子应该是让孩子感到温暖和被理解,并对孩子有实际意义的帮助,而大事小事都要管,最终又没讲到点子上的唠叨 和批评,只能让孩子产生反感并急于逃避,而且还会破坏你在孩子心中的威信,引发亲子矛盾,甚至使孩子变得不自信,失去独立思考的能力,影响孩子的心理健康。

在养育孩子的过程中,父母难免会遇到一些棘手的问题,尤其是在寒假这种需要跟孩子朝夕相处的时间里,更是矛盾频发。比如,最常见的孩子晚上不睡、早晨不起,不写作业,总是玩游戏等各种问题。

一旦发生这些问题,不是不可以指责批评,而是应当注意方式方法,并且记住一定要尽量避免超限效应的发生,以免引起孩子逆反心理现象。

02 对孩子的批评要”甜蜜“一些

我国著名教育家陶行知先生在育才小学当校长时,就经常处理孩子之间的矛盾,但他就特别的讲究方式方法。

比如有一次,他看到一位同学正在用泥巴丢另一位同学,于是就上前阻止了丢泥巴的同学,并要求该学生放学后去校长室找自己。

本以为要受批评的同学早早的到了校长室门口,没想到陶行知先生刚回到校长室,就掏出了一颗糖递给了这位同学。

看着对此举非常诧异的同学,陶行知解释道:”这是奖励你的,因为你比我准时!“话音刚毕,陶行知又掏出一颗糖给了这位同学,并说道:”这颗糖也是奖励你的,因为我制止你用泥巴丢同学,你就立刻住手了,说明了你对我的尊重!“

那位同学诚惶诚恐的接过两颗糖后,陶行知先生又对其说道:”听说,你用泥巴丢那位同学,是因为他欺负女生,说明你非常有正义感!“于是又掏出第三颗糖奖励给了这位学生。

到这里,那位学生忍不住的哭了,并且对陶行知先生说:”校长,我错了,同学再不对,我也不该打他。“

陶行知满意的笑了,于是又立刻掏出第四颗糖说:”你已经知道错了,再奖励你一颗糖,我们的谈话到此结束。“

其实,陶行知先生对这位学生的批评,是利用了一个名叫“椰壳效应”的教育方式。

这个概念来自一个故事,讲述的是一个小孩子总是不愿意好好吃饭。父母尝试了各种方法,做尽了各种美食,但孩子依旧没有食欲。最后,孩子的父亲从外面带回来一个椰壳,把它做成漂亮的小碗,孩子竟然开始好好吃饭了。

这个故事表明,有时候,改变问题的视角或方式,可能会带来意想不到的正面效果。

陶行知先生将对孩子的批评转换为”糖果“,让学生在”甜蜜“中受到教育!

所以,同样是批评、教育孩子,作为父母,我们为何不试试椰壳效应,换种语气或者表达方式,让孩子轻松的认识到自己的错误,鼓励和促进他们自我教育,自我发展呢!

【最后写给父母的话】

寒假期间,与孩子朝夕相处,孩子的行为言语,难免有让我们不满意的地方。我们作为父母,可以批评,但一定要讲究方式方法。

因为批评是把双刃剑,父母利用的好,用到恰当,就是一剂良药,可以让孩子心服口服,帮助孩子改正错误及不良习惯。

利用得不好,批评就会变成一把利剑,刺伤孩子的心灵,伤害孩子的自尊,甚至自信心,使得孩子产生逆反心理,甚至影响心理健康。

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