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亲子沟通的难题：为什么孩子不愿意倾诉？如何用三个技巧打破沉默

发布日期：2024-08-09 11:43:45编辑：网络收集

2019年12月，江苏南京一名高三女生因为成绩下滑，被父母责骂和打骂，感到无法忍受而跳楼自杀。据其同学透露，该女生平时很内向，不喜欢和父母沟通，也不敢反抗父母的管教。
2020年10月，广东深圳一名初三男生因为玩手机被母亲没收后，在家中服用农药自杀。据其邻居称，该男生平时很乖巧，但是和母亲关系不好，经常被母亲打骂和限制自由。
2020年11月，湖北武汉一名高二女生因为在网上发表了一些消极的言论而被学校老师约谈，并要求其向班主任汇报心理状况。该女生觉得受到了侵犯和羞辱，在回家路上跳入长江自杀。据其同学透露，该女生平时很孤僻，不喜欢和老师或同学沟通，也不愿意寻求心理咨询

 

你是不是也有过这样的经历，当你想和孩子聊聊他在学校的事情时，他却只是敷衍地回答「没什么」或「不知道」？

你是不是也曾经担心过，孩子是否有交到好朋友，是否有被同学欺负，是否有什么恐惧或困扰？你是不是也想知道，为什么孩子宁愿忍受委屈也不告诉你呢？

如果你有以上的疑问，那么恭喜你，你已经迈出了改善亲子沟通的第一步——关心孩子的内心世界。但要让孩子真正打开心扉，还需要一些技巧和耐心。今天我就要跟大家分享一些我在做妈妈和心理师的过程中学到的方法，希望能帮助大家和孩子建立更亲密、更信任、更愉快的关系。

为什么有些孩子宁可走极端，也不愿告诉父母

首先，我们要了解孩子为什么不愿意跟我们说话。根据许婴宁心理师在社交平台上分享的案例分析，有七种可能的原因：

- 仅着重生理照顾，忽略心理照顾

- 孩子很早开始就被训练独立

- 亲子相处时间少，总在追着时间跑

- 孩子表达能力较差，容易被打断

- 爸妈本身也是较内向的人

- 父母对孩子的「状况」易怒

- 家中有另一个占据爸妈许多注意力的孩子

这些原因都可能导致孩子觉得说了没有用、没有好处、甚至会惹麻烦。所以我们要做的第一件事就是改变这种观念，让孩子感受到我们真诚地想听他们说话，并且会给予积极、正面、支持性的反馈。

不到倾诉，恐影响孩子一生

你有没有发现，有些孩子很爱跟父母说话，有些孩子却很少开口？你有没有想过，这可能跟你的倾听方式有关？如果孩子觉得跟你说话没意思、没用处或者会被批评，他们就会选择沉默。而这种沉默可能会影响他们一生的情绪和人际关系。

为什么孩子不愿意倾诉？

直观而言，只要孩子认为说了没有好处，就不会有想倾诉的欲望。反之，若他认为告诉父母可能会得到安慰、帮助、教导、鼓励或最基本的——会被好好倾听，就有可能会跟父母分享。许婴宁心理师进一步指出，年龄尚幼的孩子大多没什么「真心朋友」可以诉苦，甚至可能大多的苦还是朋友搞的。孩子被欺负、欺负别人、交不到朋友、害怕独自上厕所，如果在家里得不到倾诉，可能会对他们的情绪调节造成长期的伤害，未来演变成过度独立、疏离、不信任、逞强的人。更严重的是，他们可能会在人际关系中缺乏沟通的动力，因为不曾被好好倾听，就不懂得如何倾听别人。

你有没有想过，为什么有些孩子和父母的关系很亲密，而有些孩子却很难和父母沟通呢？

其实，这和父母的倾听方式有很大的关系。如果你想培养孩子的沟通意愿，那么你就要学会好好倾听，给予孩子足够的信任和尊重。在这篇文章中，我将分享3个改善亲子沟通的技巧，让你和孩子之间的对话更加顺畅、有趣和有效。

技巧1.善用时间和孩子沟通

你可能觉得自己每天都在忙碌，没有时间和孩子聊天。但其实，只要你抓住一些机会，就可以利用碎片时间来增进亲子关系。比如说，在吃晚饭时，你可以问问孩子今天在学校发生了什么有趣或不开心的事情；在接送孩子时，你可以跟他分享一些自己小时候的趣事或经验；在睡前时，你可以陪他读一本故事书或者给他讲一个故事。这些都是很好的沟通时机，让孩子感受到你对他的关心和重视。

技巧2.专注倾听与回应

当你和孩子对话时，不要分心做其他事情，比如看手机、电脑或电视。这样会让孩子觉得你不重视他说的话，也会影响他表达自己的意愿。相反地，当孩子说话时，要用眼神、微笑、点头等肢体语言来表达出你在认真倾听。同时，在适当的时候给予一些反馈或提问，比如「真的吗？」「那后来呢？」「那你觉得怎么样？」等等。这样可以让对话更加流畅，并且激发孩子更多地分享自己的想法和感受。

技巧3.先同理，不要急着说教

如果每次当孩子遇到问题或困难时告诉你，都被你批评或教训一番。那么久而久之他就会害怕跟你说实话了。因此，在处理问题之前，请先试着理解并尊重孩子的感受。比如说：「我知道摔倒了很疼啊」「我能理解被同学嘲笑了很难过啊」等等。然后再给予一些安慰、建议或帮助：「摸摸看还疼不疼？我们去洗洗伤口吧」「嘲笑别人是不对的行为啊！我们可以想想怎么应对吧」等等。这样既能缓解孩子的情绪，并且也能帮助他学习如何解决问题。

总之，在培养孩子沟通意愿方面，请记住以下三个字：时间、专注、同理！只要做到这三点，并且持之以恒地练习与改进，在不久后您就会发现您与您家小朋友之间已经建立起了良好而紧密无间的亲子关系。
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