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女婿上节目控诉丈母娘:为什么把孩子教育成乡巴佬,老丈人寒心

发布日期:2024-07-27 13:28:49编辑:网络收集

前段时间,在热播综艺《金牌调解》中,一位女婿和岳父母对峙公堂,细听之下竟是带娃惹出来的祸端。

在节目中,女婿毫不留情的逼问老人,为什么带娃花那么多钱,喂饭方式为什么不对,为什么把孩子教育成乡巴佬?而女婿控诉的桩桩件件,都让坐在一旁倾听的岳父寒透了心,他说初衷就是想帮他们分担,如果知道女婿这么想,宁愿上班都不会来帮着带娃......

而这期节目也戳中了很多隔辈人的心,原本想帮衬,但没想到却是费力不讨好。

一.老人带娃,竟带成仇家?

其实像综艺中体现的家庭矛盾,在现今社会中还是特别常见的。因为近年来有一项大数据表明:超五成的年轻家庭中,由于父母忙于工作,没有时间带娃,隔辈教育成为现阶段教育模式中的主力军。并且在调查中很多妈妈表示,更放心自己的父母帮忙照顾孩子,所以姥姥也成为很多家庭的主心骨。

但如今,却有越来越多的姥姥表示,哪怕小两口忙的不可开交,也不愿意在帮助女儿带娃了。

周姥姥就是其中一员,她说自己帮着女儿带了两年多的孩子,刚开始过去的时候,女儿和女婿还非常感恩,时不时的帮忙做点家务,夸夸孩子养得好,让自己心里非常舒服。但是没多久,两人就拿她当起了免费的劳动力。不仅要带娃,收拾屋子,做饭洗碗,偶尔女儿找不到东西,还会和自己一通发脾气,让周姥姥的心里也十分难受。

最让她为难的是,两人平时基本上不留生活费,自己又不好意思开口要,只能用自己的养老钱去养外孙。久而久之周姥姥不仅心理崩溃,口袋也崩溃。加之前段时间女儿指责自己将坏习惯教给了外孙,将老人家好一通批评,这让周姥姥彻底心寒,收拾好东西,不顾女儿一家的挽留,毅然决定回老家颐养天年。

二.带娃不难,感恩太难

育儿界有句话叫,你让出孩子的抚养权,也就相当于让出了孩子的教育权。

这其实很充分的说明了隔辈育儿的矛盾核心点并不在于育儿观的冲突上,当你把孩子教到父母手中,就代表你是信任他们的,或者是通过一些方法能够改变父母的育儿观。但实际上,无论是周姥姥还是《金牌调解》中的岳父女婿间的矛盾,都说明了老人真正不愿帮忙带孩子的原因,是子女过于自私的行为。

妈,孩子今天怎么又尿裤子了?

妈,他是不是又玩了一天没睡觉?

妈,你怎么没带她读书啊.......

这样带有责怪意味的问话让很多老人头疼不已。辛苦带了一天的娃,战战兢兢的等待着女儿女婿来审阅今天的结果。孩子表现得好就夸一句真乖,孩子稍有不适就埋怨指责自己的父母,这让很多老人伤透了心。

比起埋怨指责,更让老人无力承担的是自掏腰包养孩子,像周姥姥这样的情况,在生活中太常见了。

邻居家的大妈70多岁了,满头白发带着小外孙出门,一会儿买点菜,一会儿买个玩具,出门做个摇摇车等等,有次在楼道中碰到大妈,聊了会天后,大妈玩笑说,养小孩太费钱了,我这点棺材本都要大给大外孙了。

还记得《金牌调解》中,女婿十分伤人的话,指责妻子的父母就是乡巴佬,将孩子也教成了乡巴佬。

而抖音上也流行过一个段子,叫做回村前和回村后,这虽然是种玩笑,但如果真的在现实中代入这样的观点,那么对父母的伤害无疑是巨大的。老人用自己的方式全心全意的呵护孩子,结果反过来被嫌弃育儿观土,穿衣搭配土,甚至连说话都土。

这也难怪父母宁愿回家,也不愿意在帮助儿女带娃。

三.隔辈带娃,须输勿堵

哈.纪伯伦曾这样说沟通,一场争论可能是两个心灵之间的捷径。

而观隔辈带娃的副作用,无论从父母层面还是子女角度来讲,都是缺乏基本沟通而造成堵塞,最后不仅没有达到预期效果,还让亲子之间反目成仇,所以想要老人帮忙带娃,就务必要做到这条原则:及时输出,切勿堵塞。

其实在隔辈教育中,很多父母最担心的就是父母教育观念陈旧,无原则的宠溺孩子。所以,在隔辈带娃之前,儿女可以先将自己的教育观告知父母,但是当父母执行有误的时候,切忌不要用垃圾语言去伤害老人。

在电视剧《请回答1988》中,有个场景让人印象深刻。当长大成人的孩子不在依赖妈妈,把所有事情都做好时,妈妈反而会因为不需要感而倍感失落,所以剧中已经成年的大人,总是故意做错小事,让爸爸妈妈来帮助自己,小心翼翼的维护着老人这种让人心疼的被需要感。

所以,比起指责隔辈教育的失败,不如多多输出自己的教育观,给父母学习和成长的时间。

其实在很多儿女的眼中,并不是真的让老人掏钱帮忙养育自己的孩子,而是未必能想到这个层面。

但是生活中有大大小小的输出,老人已经劳心劳力,还要劳财那就真的堵心了。所以正在进行或者即将准备要进行这种隔辈教育之前,请务必准备好教育资金,且不要时刻和老人计较资金数额,开销过大或过少。

因为父母只会帮助我们填补,不会从中压榨。知晓这个道理,那么隔辈带娃的矛盾就会少很多。

尽心尽力带娃却和儿女成为仇家的事太多了。

但是网上有位姥姥却表示,给女儿带娃简直太幸福了,就是再苦再累她也高兴。看到她分享的各种视频中,有女儿女婿的感恩,有良好的家庭氛围,有互动有理解,所以她满足的原因并不是比别人劳累的少,而是儿女的感恩和在意。

在他们的眼里,父母不仅仅是照顾孩子的保姆,更是需要尊重与保护的老人,所以在老人帮助照顾孩子的同时,儿女请务必要输出感恩,不要时间一长就挑三拣四,让辛苦照顾自己一辈子还得不到休息的父母更加疲惫和心寒。

在隔辈教育中,育儿的矛盾固然一直存在,但是将心比心却是难上加难。虽说家家有本难念的经,但对于明事理的老人和儿女来说,都能够用爱之名去互相消解。合理平衡输堵,当儿女们意识到隔辈教育不仅是育儿,也是养父母心的时候,隔辈教育中的人情味和温暖也就呼之欲出,而那时,隔辈教育才会为三者之间铺就一条稳固且幸福的亲子之路。

你认为隔辈教育中,应该如何顾及父母的感受?

你有什么看法,欢迎在评论区说出你的观点。

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