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“强势”妈妈易对孩子造成三个危害

发布日期：2014-05-02 10:21:54编辑：Chen

俗话说“可怜天下父母心”，不管是溺爱式的家庭教育还是“军训”式的教育方法，不管这些做法是对是错，但都是父母的一片苦心，而他们的目的也都是为了孩子好。

“虎毒不食子”的道理大家都懂，把孩子培养成一个自信、自爱、自尊、有理想

的人，是所有父母的一大期望。但是，往往越是着急，越是想做到最好，就越容易走错“路”。尤其是那些较为“强势”的母亲，在孩子的教育问题上，更应该三思而后行。

记得那天上围棋课的时候，老师提问，一个叫子旭的孩子举手回答，但是他的答案不是自己想出来的，而是听到旁边的孩子说出以后自己又重复的，并且答案是错误的。因为这种情况的出现不是一次两次了，所以老师停止了继续讲课，问子旭能不能自己思考答案呢？不

要受别人影响？最后老师语重心长的说，老师希望你能够独立思考，不要随便听别人的，就算是你妈妈的，你也不能随便听。孩子懵懂的点头，不知道听懂没有听懂老师的意思。当时那个孩子妈妈不在，据我自己一段时间的观察，我懂老师的意思。

子旭妈妈自打生了子旭以后，跟单位领导打了招呼，就处在半停职状态，人事关系留在单位，不用去上班，在家全力照顾子旭，衣食住行事无巨细，必要亲力亲为，这样的母亲我们怎么能说她不爱孩子呢？

在教育上子旭妈妈可谓也是费尽心机，从很小的时候就给孩子报各种班，据子旭妈妈说最多的时候同时学了6个班，孩子懈怠的时候，妈妈可谓是威逼利诱，用心良苦。但是让她烦恼的是，哪一个都没有学到什么成效，学了英语，可是还是一句不会说，学了珠心算，还是啥也不会算。

今年他们上了少年宫的学前班，每天下午的艺术课选择的是围棋，但是感觉孩子学了半天还是啥也不会，所以才又到我们这里报班，期待在两个地方同时学，能让孩子有所进步。

面对这个比我们现场所有妈妈都更用心的妈妈，我看到的不是这个孩子更多的进步和成绩，而是孩子在强势母亲面前的那些无奈，以及成长中的一些问题。

不管是什么原因造就了家庭里的强势母亲，但是母亲带给孩子的却是有百害而无一利。在家庭里，父亲和母亲都有自己的角色，当面对强势的母亲，必然就会有一个相对弱势的父亲，这样的家庭里成长的不管是女儿还是儿子都会出现问题。结合子旭的情况，我谈谈强势母亲对孩子成长易造成的三个危害。

1、孩子难以独立。

强势的母亲一般都是思维敏捷、做事情很麻利的人，所以容易看不惯孩子的做法，不但在生活中包办孩子的一切衣食住行，也不断的在用自己的言行来控制孩子。总觉得孩子的想法不行，必须要按照自己的来，这样下去孩子很容易就忽略了自己的感受，只是机械的听从，失去了培养独立解决问题能力的机会。

看看子旭上课回答老师问题的时候都不能独立思考，只是机械的听旁边小朋友的意见。在有时候回答对问题的时候，总是要忍不住回头找妈妈，等待妈妈的赞许。

2、孩子容易造成消极抵抗的心态。

子旭是后来插班到我们这个围棋班上的，刚来的时候上课听讲非常不认真，总有小动作，老师怎么提醒都不行，子旭妈妈就干脆坐到了子旭身边，这样孩子就好好听讲了。后来的情况也就是知道妈妈在呢就好好听，一旦妈妈不陪着上课的时候还是小动作不断。

在一个就是他还有点儿皮，不管老师怎么说他、提醒他总是乐呵呵的看着，过后还是该干嘛干嘛。我想孩子出现这样的问题，一个是不太愿意来上课，觉得累，毕竟每周上学前班的下午都要学围棋，这周末还得来学，无论是心理上还是身体上都有些疲倦。

二是习惯了妈妈的严格约束，有妈妈在的时候因为害怕妈妈责怪，所以就要认真，等妈妈不在的时候，就可以放松了。面对强势的母亲，孩子有很多事虽然不愿意去做，却无力抵抗，只能顺从，但是内心里却是排斥的，所以也就出现了子旭听课的这样两种状态。

3、孩子容易失去自信。

有了以上两个问题的存在，想要孩子还很自信是不是痴心妄想了？面对强势的母亲，子旭只能奔波的上6个学习班，不能自主的选择自己喜欢的，在被动的接受中学会了依赖，这样的情况下怎么培养自信？

孩子都在逐渐长大，当周围的同龄小朋友都能够自己独立做事情的时候，你却还在母亲要求完美的理由下继续被包办着，这样的情况又怎么能拥有自信？当孩子对学习出现了消极的心态，疲于应付的时候，又怎么会成绩好起来呢？这样的时候孩子又怎么能够自信起来呢？

希望每一个妈妈都是一个温柔的妈妈，一个不苛求的妈妈，一个欣赏孩子的妈妈，一个允许孩子失败的妈妈，一个鼓励孩子独立做事情的妈妈，这样我们的宝贝会更健康的成长。因为每一个问题孩子的后面都有一个问题家长的存在，是我们要牢记的。

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